Sometimes I get asked when the moment I fell in love with my boyfriend is. What he did to make me realize I loved him.
Well for me, I guess it wasn’t one definitive moment, but more of when I realized and admitted to myself that I fell for him. It was December, the end of the 2010 winter semester. I was a junior and he was finishing up his last semester of classes. It was finals week and I had gotten drunk with my friends (don’t judge, it was a semester of mostly papers for finals and I finished most of them already). As my drunk was wearing down and I was eating pizza with my friends, he texted me to come over because he missed me. So a few minutes later I arrived at his apartment and was watching TV in his bed as he sat on his couch finishing a paper.
It was then that it hit me that he was leaving our college town for good in a few days and would be living back at home, 3 hours away. We had started hooking up in April and as time progressed we fell for each other, although I never expected to because I was very guarded. But he took my guard down and I was practically living at his apartment. I hid it from him, but tears filled my eyes as I realized that when I came back from winter break I wouldn’t be able to see him everyday in between classes and sleep at his apartment. Although we had no title, we weren’t just hookups.
I was in love with him, I realized. He had melted my heart of ice and really knew me. I was at a time in my life where I was dealing with major losses in my family and I had closed off the world. In my sophomore year I dealt with this pain by drinking almost every night, smoking a lot, and having a lot of hookups. I didn’t want to let anyone in because I was so afraid of more loss. But that night I realized that I had let him in and he comforted me when nobody else could. I actually wanted to spend all my time with him and give up my wild child ways. He was making me a better person and I couldn’t live without him. I realized something I probably subconsciously knew for a while, I was head over heels in love.
I knew I had to tell him before he left in a few days. But, how? The first time I told my high school boyfriend I loved him, I was a completely different person. I wasn’t sure what to do because of the stress of him leaving in a few days. I thought about writing him a letter confessing my feelings, but nixed that. I figured I’d free style it.
I spent every night that week at his apartment. We studied together, stayed up late, made a lot of chicken nuggets, and had a ton of sex. Before I knew it, it was his last night in town. He went to the bars with his friends (I was underage at the time :( ) and called me right when he got back, and I could tell he was wasted.
And wasted he was. I offered to make him late night food to help, and as I stood in front of the oven making bacon the song “One” by U2 came on the radio. I was singing along when I noticed him starring at me with a perplexed look on his face. “Sorry, I know I sing off key” I said to him. “I had no idea you liked U2. You surprise me more and more everyday” he replied. I laughed and continued to sing along with him starring at me like I was an angel.
After we ate we were snuggling in his bed and he was starring at me again. “You’re being funny, what’s up?” I asked him. And he said, “I love you.”
“I love you too. I’ve wanted to tell you for days now” I replied. I was so thrilled that I knew he loved me too.
That night we stayed up snuggling and talking until the sun came up (seriously…we went to bed at probably 8 and slept until 2 and got pizza for brunch). We both realized that our future was uncertain, because he was moving home while I was still going to be in school for another year and a half. “I’m scared,” he told me “I don’t want to lose you, but I just don’t know what to do.” At that point we decided to continue dating as we had been, but to see how it was when we were far apart to decide where to go from there.
We were both sad and nervous. But I just had a feeling that even though we would struggle with our sudden separation after always being together, that somehow we would work out. We were in love and destined to be together, I just knew it and he did too.
And P.S.: yes. we did struggle for a while. The separation pushed both of us to our limits. But true love always manages to work out. We took it slowly because we wanted to test out how our love would during the second semester. And it did, and on May 19, 2011 we “officially” became boyfriend and girlfriend. Funny thing is, absolutely nobody was surprised and most people said “finally you guys!” Each couple is unique and we did things differently and it worked out for us.
Although, it is hard to explain when people ask how long we’ve been together… “oh uhh unofficially kinda 2 years, but officially 1 year?” I wouldn’t have it any other way :).